The last post was so happy, I hate to follow it up with a post like this one.
I’ve touched on this before, but I’m having issues with my weight right now. And it’s not even so much my weight, though this is the heaviest I’ve ever been.
We all gain a little winter fluff. It’s natural to put on a little extra fat in the winter when we’re cooped up indoors, and surrounded by holiday sweets. Honestly, I’ve never really had much of a problem with this.
But this year was hard. My job has me working 10 hour days now, and I do a lot of walking, which makes it hard to want to work out after. And honestly, I couldn’t do much working out anyway, because my back still wasn’t ready. So I was trying to manage it by tracking my diet, and keeping up with what I ate. I started counting calories. And I started having issues with food and guilt and hunger.
I want to say I’ve never had a bad relationship with food. I’ve been blessed with a naturally slender frame and a high metabolism and could mostly eat what I want. But I ate a lot of the wrong things this fall and winter. I started restricting calories instead of trying to get back to the way I ate when I was my thinnest. And I didn’t even keep myself to a strict diet- I just counted calories and tried to meet macros. And my calorie intake was so restricted that it was hard to do. When I did, I was still hungry. Then I felt guilty for eating when I was hungry!! That is SO WRONG.
Part of me feels like I need to restrict my diet so I can burn off all this fat. And I want to say that I’m not basing this off weight. I don’t really care what the scale says. But I’ve been getting body composition tests, and it was hard to see my fat percentage go from 26 to 28 to my current 30%. And I can see it in the cellulite on my butt, on my thighs. My boobs are bigger. My bras and pants don’t fit. Oddly, my waist measurement hasn’t changed at all. But it bothers me that my pants don’t fit and I’ve had to go buy bigger ones. That 30% number bothers me. And obviously the calorie restriction isn’t working. I got another body comp test last week – 6 weeks from the one at the first of the year – and while I had lost 3 pounds, 2 of those pounds were water because I was slightly dehydrated, and the other was muscle. I lost a pound of MUSCLE! That made me sad last week, but now I’m mad. Obviously I’m stupidly starving myself, because my body feels like it has to eat into my muscle to fuel itself! I hate being sad. Sad is useless and only hurts your psyche. But mad is good. Mad I can deal with. Mad I can fuel into fixing all these stupid issues I’ve brought upon myself.
So I went to my boyfriend, who, lucky me, used to be a personal trainer. And smart man that he is, he doesn’t tell me how to eat or work out unless I ask. So I asked.
He came back with an eating plan that blew me away, because it was the complete opposite of everything I’ve been reading. Now, I asked for this plan before Thanksgiving, but didn’t implement it because, well, Thanksgiving. Then Christmas. And since then I’ve just been lazy. I did try it for a couple of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it was pretty awesome. I got to eat a LOT. All healthy stuff (the only things not allowed are sweets and alcohol), but a LOT. I felt good because I was eating well, and was happy because I got to eat when I was hungry – which was pretty often, about 6 times a day.
I’m going to get back on it. I’m going to rid myself of this stupid, unhealthy, new guilty feeling related to food and I’m going to enjoy what I eat. I’m going to eat when I get hungry, and eat healthy until I’m not hungry. And IF I choose to continue tracking food, it will be only to track Macros (fats/carbs/protein).
I’ll keep you posted on how it works. And if it works as well as he says it does (and I’ve seen it work on his friends) I may post it for the rest of you…
Wish me luck, and happy eating!