Better without BC

To address the issue from my last post, I went to my Dr and I am now completely off birth control, to see if that helps my weight, mood, and sleep.

I’ve only been off of them for two weeks and a couple of days, but within the first week I started sleeping better.  I still don’t want to get up when my alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning (who the hell actually WANTS to get up at 5:30?), but most nights I feel like I’ve slept deeply and once I get up and moving I actually feel rested.  This is phenomenal.

It’s amazing what actually sleeping well will do for you.  I’m more alert, I feel like I’m aware of what’s going on around me, my mental reflexes are faster, I’m happier, and I actually have energy.  It’s wonderful.  I still have a night or two a week where I don’t sleep well, but at least it’s not every night, and I feel like it’s natural to have a night or two where you don’t sleep well.

It’s not been long enough to see any difference in my weight, measurements or body fat, but I’m looking forward to those changes.

To my great joy, after a 1 month hiatus, I have gotten to go see and pole with Samantha the last two weekends.  The first weekend we didn’t do any real work, just played with basic beginner spins and slides to the floor on spin pole and in heels.  When I started pole, the American way to do it was with a fat 50mm static pole, barefoot.  But I’ve grown, and the pole world has grown, and most of the pole stars I admire now are Australian.  And the Aussie way to pole is on a skinny 38mm spinning pole in heels as high as you can find them.  I still like my 45, and love Samantha’s 40s, so I’m trying to, while I’m still rebuilding my strength, clean up fun beginner spins, tricks and floorwork, and do it in heels.  I love my heels.  And I love that my new home has all wood plank flooring downstairs, so I can actually wear my heels when I pole at home!  But I digress…  I wasn’t sore after that, but it was good to just play and ease my body back into the old familiar moves that I hadn’t done in a while.  I tried one day to pole at home a couple weeks before, but I didn’t properly warm up my body, I was tired, everything was hard, and everything hurt.  But that day last week with Samantha was a good day. It was fun, and I could do all those beginner/intermediate moves (cradle variations, apprentice variations) I was having difficulty with before.

Yesterday, we worked on floorwork – spin and slide transitions from the pole to the floor, and flowing different moves into each other and different ways to get back to standing or up on the pole.  Those slow, controlled floorwork movements (roll overs, elbow stands, body waves) take a lot more effort than I remember. I was hot and sweaty from it! I also tried some intermediate tricks on spin – inverts, leg hangs, I even attempted a Jade.  And I have to say, Spin pole is HARD!  My body did not want to cooperate, and even hooking into a leg hang and relaxing into the pose was strangely difficult on spin.  And the Jade simply didn’t happen.  I couldn’t convince my limbs to do what I wanted against the centripetal force.  I was able to pull off a half-assed one without spinning, but only barely.

And it wore me out!!  My biceps and pecs are screaming at me every time I move them today.  My shoulders, back and abs have a lovely delicious feeling to them today, too – not sore, but I can tell when I move them that I worked them yesterday.  Even my glutes protested a little when I climbed a couple flights of stairs earlier.  It’s wonderful.  I can’t wait to go back next weekend.

Fat bottom girl

Life has been kinda crazy lately.
My personal goals got pushed by the wayside as I took care of other things. Things more important than myself, because my stuff can wait. But I realized recently that no, it really can’t. I’m all I’ve got, and I have to look out for me and put myself first, because no one else will.
So until September, I made no progress on my goals. My diet is pretty good, though I fully admit I need to eat more fruits and veggies. But in September, Samantha helped me move some extra furniture, and I put my pole up for the first time in over a year. I still only Pole on it about once a week, but I’m so glad it’s up.
Also in September, I got a workout buddy that convinced me to join her gym, and I’m loving it. I found a class twice a week that I LOVE, and both my friend and the instructor expect me to be there, so that keeps me accountable. I’ve been going for 4 weeks now, and I love it. I’m starting to love working out again, and I actually get upset if I have to miss my class, and make it up at home the next day. I love that. I love that I’m enjoying working out again, and I love that I WANT to work out, because for most of the last year I haven’t wanted to do anything but cry and sleep. I’m so happy to be happy again. Well, about life, anyway.
Last week, I was on Facebook, and in my “on this day” section, I saw a post from 4 years ago where I was upset about being UP to 120 lbs. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. And I took a good, long look at my body. I don’t like what I see.
I pulled out the same swimsuit and took new photos to compare my body from then and now.  And overall, I’ve only added a couple of inches all over (thanks to this lovely blog, I have body measurements from then).  But I feel like my boobs are huge, my belly is swollen, I’m starting to get back fat rolls under my bra strap, and my butt looks terrible.  I went and got my body composition done earlier this week, and since July, my body fat is up 2%, and I’ve gained 2.5 lbs of FAT.
I eat well.  I’ve started working out.  I don’t understand.
My doctor did put me on a new low-dose birth control pill since my other brand is so expensive ($50 a pack AFTER insurance), and I started that the middle of August.  I don’t know if that may be contributing.  But I still don’t feel back to normal.  I feel better than I was on the generics, but not as good as before I started taking them.  I still have trouble sleeping, and I’m tired all the time.  I’m still having some issues with depression.  I have good days and bad days.  I refuse to believe that my weight gain is due simply to inactivity – if it was, the weight gain would be steady, because my workout schedule has been sporadic over the last year.
But I’m not letting that effect my gym schedule – I’m going to my class twice a week because I LOVE it.  I haven’t seen Samantha in a month, but that’s going to change this week. I’m going to see the Dr soon. I’m going to find out what the hell is wrong with me. And I’m going to totally smash this.